Monday, February 16, 2009

Life sometimes has disappointments

Well Ill have to admit the week started out pretty bleak, yet with a check on my personal perspective of things I can say my attitude is better now. It has been a pretty stressful week for us. It seems my son’s wife decided she was not happy and wanted to get a divorce. As the story comes out she has been having an affair. With her previous boyfriend, the one she broke up with when she and my son became a couple.

The most unfortunate part of this situation is the fact that there is a child involved now. Yes I am willing to admit that my son had his problems. I don’t hold my sons up on a pedestal as if they are perfect. No one is perfect. To be honest with myself, I now question if that is my biological grandson. It hurt to think that she didn’t even wait till their first anniversary before she started being with this other guy. To see my son broken hearted was so very hard to watch. My feelings have gone through the usual gambit of rage, anger frustration, hurt, tears, and acceptance.

She thinks she can just get away with what ever she wants in life. She wants to be kept, but not controlled. She wants her freedoms, and anytime she is frustrated to find someone to leave her child with so she can go drink with her girl friends. Well she has a surprise coming, being the daughter of a judge and a lawyer I’m not going to sit back and allow someone get away with hurting my loved ones. I found someone still in practice that remembers my dad. He has an associate and they are going to file for my son. They keep saying it’s been just such a short time don’t you want to wait and think about it. Maybe you two will get back together. Well the son said that she had an affair, and not just once either. So if she really wants a divorce she will have it. In the process she will be filed upon at her boyfriends’ house where she is staying, surprise! She has some real issues to deal with and she has to learn that there are consequences for her actions.

It took me almost a week to get to the point that I am trying to have a positive attitude. This I know will help my son through these next couple of weeks. At least I can honestly say that my son now calls me more often, even though he has been busy with his work. He has worked hard to become a manager at his place of business. His ultimate goal is to become not just a shift manager but a store manager. He had to work on Valentines Day, so he went to get his crew something for them. I think it was a nice gesture, letting his crew for the midnight shift know he appreciated their desire to work this day.

As a parent I want to protect my sons from harm, whether it is physical or emotional harm. Then to see them go through a situation with such grace and forgiveness, I look at him with a new perspective. What a neat person he has become. I am so proud of my son today! My only concern now, is how he might do, being a single parent. Yet this is another day, and I can’t borrow trouble from tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. I must focus on today, enjoy the day, and accept the things that happen each day. I can’t hold onto anger nor build walls around me, which is something I am good at doing. It is not good for me, nor is it healthy for anyone around me.

Yet I will survive, I am a survivor! I will take care of myself so I can take care of my family, they are important to me. So are my friends, so I will work hard at not allowing these walls to be rebuild, because of my ex-daughter-in-law.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Life is Worth Living

This ache in my heart,
It is so strong;
I cant understand,
What could be wrong.

Some say the blues,
some say an obsession;
But to be this strong,
It must be depresion.

I cant shake this feeling,
I dont want to live;
For I have nothing,
Nothing to give.

If I can just make it,
Just till tomorrow;
The pain will be gone,
There'll be no more sorrow.

But when tomorrow,
Turns into today;
Nothing has changed
,Nothings gone away.

Someone please help me,
Before I fall in;
I cant live another day,
Like this one again.

As I look in your eyes,
At my reflection;
I noticed Ive changed,
To a new direction.

Thru the worst of my life,
I know now I've made it;
I have climbed up out,
Up out of the pit.

I now can believe,
That life is worth living;
And things do look better,
For life is worth living.

For those of you who dont know I wrote this in 1983. I struggle with depression, and am still learning I can not dwell on the negative because of depression. I cant watch scarey movies, or play games that have wicked looking things or dark things in it. I have to always look toward the future, so that I can focus on hope. It is the only way i can live each day.

I post this for those who also struggle, dont give up hope. The day may look bad at the moment, but thats just what it is, just a moment. Time will make things look brighter again. Focus on the positive things in your life. Also, remember you always have a friend in me to lean on if you should ever need to.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Something new

Well I have my space and face book, so I guess it time for me to learn to blog. I have seen so many things get blogged, this will be a new learning curve for me. I don't really express what I feel to people very well, yet I can do it in writing. So maybe it time for me to learn a new way to express myself. It may very well be sometimes I wont have much to say. Thanks to all the kind and encouraging people in my life. You all are inspirations to me.